Who am I?

I feel confused.

As a kid, I felt very insecure. I felt like this frail looking ugly kid no one would like. I felt like this weakling who couldn’t stand up to bullies and defend himself. I felt terrified of being laughed at for my shortcomings.

Rejection scared me so much that I started masking my weaknesses. I pretended as if I was a brave kid. A rich kid. A smart kid. An interesting kid. Basically everything the society in general ‘admires’. All the time, I felt the opposite inside.

My masks helped me. The lies I told, the achievements I collected, all of them protected me from being exposed. It was a relief to not be exposed so openly.

Now, if my insecurities weren’t there, would I have needed those masks?

Nope! I wouldn’t need to impress anyone. And I could be at ease with being myself – with all flaws intact.

Everyone has flaws and everyone is a bit lesser than someone else somewhere in this vast world. Instead of resisting it and trying hard to disprove it, I would accept it.

Now, if I didn’t need those achievements to cover me up, what do I need it for? Do I need it at all?

If I don’t need it at all, and can discard the need for achievements, what becomes of me?

Who am I without my seeking?

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